Fontana, CA — Yes, you read that right.
Forget the disheartening stats that claim the more educated a Black woman is, the less likely she is to marry. Disregard the data that says Black men are more likely to date or marry outside their race than Black women. And don’t get caught up in the classic claim that Black women outnumber Black men by an insurmountable ratio. Oh, and let’s not even dwell on the oft-quoted fact that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. It’s enough to make anyone question the odds of finding love.
Here’s the truth you need to know about these statistics: they don’t define you or your potential for love.
The Problem with Statistics
Research can support any narrative a person wants to push. For every study that suggests bleak odds, there’s another that debunks it. The issue lies in how data is collected, interpreted, and presented. Unethical research methods and biased conclusions often fly under the radar, leaving us with “facts” that don’t paint the full picture.
The bottom line? Data trends are not destiny. Your love life isn’t a scientific experiment; it’s a deeply personal journey.
The Truth About Availability
Being single doesn’t automatically make someone relationship-ready. You can meet the most attractive, accomplished individuals and still find they’re emotionally unavailable, stuck in unhealed past traumas, or simply not interested in commitment.
Similarly, the idea that one gender has “more options” is a fallacy. Plenty of people aren’t willing—or prepared—to do the work a healthy, committed relationship requires. Cynicism, unresolved issues, and self-sabotage often stand in the way.
Ultimately, it’s not about how many eligible partners exist but how prepared you are to create and sustain a meaningful connection.
Preparing for Love
If you’re seeking a committed relationship—or marriage—you need to make up your mind to prepare for it. Here’s how to set yourself up for success:
- Be the Best Version of Yourself
Take care of your mental, physical, and social well-being. A healthy, confident you is magnetic.
- Let Go of Toxic Ties
End relationships that don’t serve you. Staying attached to unhealthy dynamics prevents you from moving forward.
- Address Your Fears
Work with a therapist to unpack relationship fears, heal past wounds, and rewrite your narrative about love.
- Cultivate Positivity
Shift your mindset. Believe that love is possible for you. The energy you exude often attracts like-minded individuals.
- Invest in Healthy Friendships
Surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift you. A strong support system lays the foundation for romantic success.
- Know What You Want
Define what commitment means to you and be intentional in pursuing it. When you’re clear about your desires, you’re more likely to recognize when you’ve found the right person.
A Few Statistics That Might Actually Help
According to the National Marriage Project, married individuals report higher levels of happiness, better health, and more financial stability compared to their single counterparts.
A 2022 study found that people who actively work on self-improvement are 31% more likely to form lasting romantic relationships.
Couples who participate in pre-marital counseling have a 30% higher chance of staying married, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
These figures suggest that love is less about luck and more about preparation, growth, and mutual commitment.
Final Thoughts
An improved version of you will not only make someone happy but might just be the answer to someone else’s prayers. Stop letting bleak trends barricade you from experiencing the joy of a harmonious connection. Focus on becoming the person you’d want to date or marry, and the rest will follow.
Trust the process, and most importantly, trust yourself. Because love isn’t a numbers game—it’s a leap of faith, guided by intention, self-awareness, and hope.
About the Author:
About the Author:
Kerry Neal is the founder and creator of Urban Birds & Bees, a social change movement and podcast that elevates the discussion regarding Black relationships including dating practices, mate selection, and self-awareness. Originally from Flint, Michigan by way of St. Louis, Kerry facilitates transparent conversations that addresses common misconceptions and belief systems that often govern dating practices in the Black community. Kerry studied Psychology at Cal State Fullerton, Leadership & Management/Organizational Development at University of La Verne, and is completing his Doctoral Studies in Educational Leadership at Cal State San Bernardino.
