Blah blah blah…here we go again…
Here is yet another conversation providing insight into what each gender truly wants in a relationship. Or, more directly, what each gender wants in a partner in a heterosexual relationship.
While this might come across as a broken record, it’s evident that over-emphasizing the message might not be a bad thing, especially when there seems to be ongoing confusion about what might be the way to unlock the sustained interest in the opposite sex. And, for this conversation, since I am a heterosexual male, please allow me to speak from the male perspective.
So, let’s go—let’s talk about it (yet again): What men want (from a woman in a relationship).
Ladies, pull up a chair, get your yellow highlighter, and start taking notes OR contrast what I’m about to say to what you think you know what men want.
And while I say some of this in jest, I am serious. I am blown away at the times when I have spoken to women (whether occasions of speaking with a woman that I’m interested in OR perhaps just having a causal relationship discussion with women). I am dumbfounded about how I can say precisely what I believe most men want, and I’ve heard feedback from women on what they would say what we want—as if I never said a word. Go figure.
And before I dive in—this is not a blog to beat women down. Not at all. But it is an attempt to clarify some things that we, as men, feel that, in some cases, women often gloss over in favor of what they think or what their female counterparts say that men want.
OK—here we go.
- 1. Men want respect. Now let’s define respect before I go more profound: “to show regard or consideration for.” Ladies—this is always in full effect. This is very important. Though we will all agree that all human beings, regardless of their global community, want respect, we want respect in a variety of ways. Let’s say we made the wrong decision about something that we might have discussed before, and perhaps your way was better when it is all said and done. You could have a nice laugh about it, chalk it up to a lesson learned, or say, “I told you! Now listen to me next time I try to tell you something!” To make matters worse, let’s say another situation arises, and a decision must be made. Maybe you remember the last time you two debated a problem, and although you don’t verbally throw it in his face, your body language and other cues suggest that you don’t trust him and don’t want to defer to him.
- Men want peace. This does not mainly refer to the absence of noise. This refers to an ongoing sense of tranquility that men highly desire. We genuinely don’t want unnecessary conflict and disruption. Men are known to agree to something their woman is saying—not that he necessarily agrees, but he doesn’t care to exert energy on something that he knows if he shares his thoughts, it could turn into an argument or an interruption in his vibe.
- 3. We want you to believe in us.This does not mean we don’t want to be held accountable. We want you to have faith in us when we have a dream or a passion to achieve something or whatever the endeavor. We desire your unflinching unconditional backing. This also does not mean just going along with the Oh-key-doke. This means having an invested connection in that although you might not fully agree, your support is felt, and it resonates.
- 4. We enjoy looking at you without all the enhancements. I’m not sure who told women stuffing their eyelids with heavy eyelashes was attractive, but most men hate them. I did not stutter—I HATE them. Sometimes you in your natural, unprepared state is a true testament to the physical we have always appreciated about you. We are not suggesting tossing all your make-up, but rather understanding your natural God-given beauty is really dope.
- We love it when you are feminine. And we struggle when you are not. This might mean different things to different men. Typically, we love it when you’re soft, supportive, agreeable, allow us to lead, cooperative, and wear clothing that that accentuates your womanhood. But whatever it is, could you do that? How do you know what he perceives as feminine?
Ask him.
About the Author:
Kerry Neal is the founder and creator of Urban Birds & Bees, a social change movement and podcast that elevates the discussion regarding Black relationships including dating practices, mate selection, and self-awareness. Originally from Flint, Michigan by way of St. Louis, Kerry facilitates transparent conversations that addresses common misconceptions and belief systems that often govern dating practices in the Black community. Kerry studied Psychology at Cal State Fullerton, Leadership & Management/Organizational Development at University of La Verne, and is completing his Doctoral Studies in Educational Leadership at Cal State San Bernardino.
