Upland, CA — As I get older, I cannot help but reflect on what really matters in life. Also, as a grandmother, I am really concerned for my grandchildren, especially my granddaughters, I want them to believe in themselves and to know they are enough just the way they are. Of course, I know this can be a bit difficult with the pressure they see day in and day out on social media to look a certain way, to wear certain clothes, and to keep up. At different points in our lives, we all arrive at a crossroads of identity. It may happen quietly, in the middle of a busy season, or suddenly, after a loss, a transition, or a realization that something no longer works. We begin to ask ourselves questions, even if they are subtle such as, am I enough as I am? In a world that constantly invites comparison, those questions can feel heavy. We scroll through curated images, success stories, and highlight reels, and without even realizing it, we begin to measure our worth against someone else’s life. We watch what others are doing, how they look, how confident they seem, and we start to believe that we must keep up to be important. That is often where borrowing begins.
We borrow expectations that were never meant for us. We borrow voices that drown out our own. We borrow identities that look impressive on the outside but feel exhausting to maintain on the inside. Yet the truth remains: you cannot build an authentic future on a borrowed identity. Borrowed identities come with emotional debt. They require constant performance and quiet self-abandonment. You cannot build peace pretending. You cannot build purpose performing. Authenticity begins when we have the courage to stand in who we truly are. This is where many women find themselves at a crossroads. Do I continue chasing an image that does not fit, or do I pause long enough to reconnect with who God created me to be? It is important to say this clearly: there is nothing wrong with having role models or mentors. There is wisdom in learning from those who have gone before us. But inspiration should guide us, not erase us. God never intended for you to become a replica of someone else. He created you with intention, distinction, and purpose.
There are people who need your story, your lived experience, and your voice. When you try to be someone else, you lose part of your authenticity, and your authenticity is not a flaw; it is a gift. As women, especially as we get older, the pressure to conform can intensify. Society quietly suggests that relevance is tied to youth, that beauty has an expiration date, and that we must continually fix ourselves to remain valuable. Some women find themselves spending money they do not have, altering things they do not need to change, all to please people who may not even care. Let me say this with compassion: there is nothing wrong with caring for yourself. Self-care, health, and confidence matter. But there is a difference between self-care and self-rejection. When improvement becomes a rejection of who you are, something sacred is being lost. Becoming unshakable does not mean becoming flawless. It means deciding that you will no longer abandon yourself for approval.
Giving yourself grace does not mean settling. Grace means accepting yourself while still growing. It means asking better questions, not louder ones. Instead of asking, Will they like me? You begin to ask, am I being faithful to who I am called to be? When you live with strategic grace, you stop performing for applause and start living in truth. You give yourself permission to honor your seasons, your journey, and your becoming. And above all, remember this: you are not an afterthought. You are not behind. You are not late. You were created on purpose, for a purpose. The world does not need another copy. It needs you, whole, honest, healed, and present. Here is the question to sit with: Where have you been borrowing instead of becoming? And what might shift in your life if you gave yourself permission to be fully you without apology? Your future deserves your authenticity. And it begins the moment you decide to stop borrowing and start becoming.
Wendy is the Purpose Partner helping women go from Crossroads to Confidence, from Shaken to Unshakable, from Purpose to Power. To learn more visit WendyGladney.com and ForgivingForLiving.org
